Whaddayaknow Wednesday- "We Don't Need No Stinkin' Bailout" Portugal Begs, Gets $115 Billion Bailout; Finland Has Last Word On Bailout For Portugal; Oil Prices Fall On Decreased Demand; Japanese Production Decimated 15% In March Alone; Toyota, Honda Both Report 62% Decline; Radiation Found In Shipping Containers In Belgium That Were Shipped March 16th; Fukuwhat?; Much More

It feels good to be right, so today, we will begin with news from the EU, where it is being buried by the main stream media reported that Portugal has been handed a $115 Billion bailout. Well, whaddayaknow?! Of course, they have said for over two months that they Do. Not. Need. A. Bailout. All the while, we have been saying for exactly two months that Portugal will indeed be the very next PIIG to get a bailout. Et voila. 

Hu Who do you believe? According to an article today in Forbes, you can't believe these talking heads. In fact, the Prime Minister of Luxembourg, Jean-Claude Juncker was quoted as saying, "When it becomes serious, you have to lie." Really now? Gosh! And we believed every word you spoke, like we believed every word about Fukushima... not.

Make sure you read through that article and see how apropos it is to just about everything you are being fed. It's a tell all article, but the drama about Portugal's illegal handout bailout is just getting started. The juiciest parts come from reading through the bailout agreement, like the part where insolvent Greece and Ireland will help fund this bailout (with Hu's who's money?). Ironically, Greece is weeks, if not days away from "restructuring" their own debt so how exactly is this supposed to work? What a circus. Perhaps Mr. Trichet's real name is Barnum or Bailey.

However, we don't think the British citizens will be laughing too hard at the theatrics, because they have been sucked into this giant ponzi scheme circle-jerk bailout by providing the second largest amount of the bailout. Don't think you'll ever see that money again, either. Did we mention what percentage the banksters will be getting? Forgetaboutit. You'd rather not know. Keep your little sheeple mind focused on Osama Bin Dead For Nine Times Laden's death. The good news is, Finland. Yes, good cold Finland has the final say and if their demands aren't met, this bailout won't be so easy to access. We'll see how this plays out by the 13th.

Speaking of Friday the 13th, remember how you heard from the experts on CNBS that the Fukushima catastrophe would somehow be positive for the global economy? Remember that? Well Honda Motors is reporting along with Toyota Motors that their production is down 62% in March. Must be the economic recovery. Another green shoot, Dr. Deficit. We can't wait to see this quarter's results like the radiation readings of a cargo container that just arrived in Belgium showing radioactive cesium 137. Guess when that container was shipped from Japan? The 16th of March. As you know, things have only gotten better since then. In fact, according to TEPCO and the Japanese gov't, Fukushima is back up and producing electricity... or not.

Don't worry about the radiation encircling the globe, entering food and water sources and being detected in soil samples. The EPA won't be monitoring radiation any longer because levels are decreasing. Remember that article in Forbes? Now is a good time to reread it.

With oil demand plunging due to an ongoing economic depression  all of the economic growth we see, it's no wonder jobs are back.

Updates

Update 1: What's another $2 Trillion? Nothing the click of a computer button can't fix. The Treasury is requesting the debt limit be upped by $2 Trillion so they can have enough funding through December 2012. Just in time for the Mayan calendar to end. 

Update 2: Osama Bin Dead Long Time Laden. We've got the confirmation here. 

The Daily Five - Five Headlines You Need To Know Now

Too Big To Fail Means Too Big To Save 

CNN Money is reporting that JP Morgan Chase, along with several other "Too Big To Fail Banks," are proposing a cap on your debit card purchases of just $50 or $100 per transaction. This proposal comes on the heels of new Wall Street legislation passed last year meant to protect consumers. The reason for this? Needless to say, it all comes down to money. Currently, each time you use your debit card to make a purchase, the bank charges the retailer $0.44 per transaction, but new legislation has cut that down to a limit of $0.12 and the banks are out to make up the difference. Finding loopholes in the system is why those CEOs get paid the big bucks. 

Saudi Arabia's "Day of Rage" Comes Early; Camels Seen Fueling Up For $150 Oil.

It seems Saudi Arabia's "Day of Rage" is starting early. Protests in the city of Qatif turned violent when the Police began to open fire on the protesters. Officials said they will "take all measures necessary" to prevent an uprising and they "will not tolerate protests." Nevertheless, several hundred people marched in the streets demanding change a full day before scheduled protests. Caravans of camels were seen fueling up in advance.

Gas At $3.52 Is "No Problem" But Gas At $4.00 Is.

Exxon's CEO Rex Tillerson said "oil prices are not yet hurting US economy, but $4 gas would hit families." This stroke of pure genius of course comes as the national average for regular gas touches $3.52, with some parts of the country already over $4.00. One only needs to scroll down to the bottom of the news page and read the angry comments to know it won't take $4.00 gasoline in the US to start a day of rage here, nor that most overpaid CEOs are entirely out of touch with reality when it comes to the middle class. 

Lock Up The Cheese, Use "Emergency Powers"

Protests in the Cheese State are once again heating up to boiling temperatures. Soon after 12PM EST today, the Wisconsin Capitol building was placed on lockdown when protesters and lawmakers tried to make their way in and several protesters were arrested. Tensions built further after Governor Walker said he'll sign a bill to strip nearly all collective bargaining rights "as quickly as I can." Which is why I suppose Governor Snyder of Michigan is seeking to establish "Emergency Powers" now, before things turn ugly there as well. 

During A Global Economic Depression, It's Good To Be A Billionaire.

Feeling poorer lately and wondering where all the money is? Then ask the world's Billionaires. Forbes is reporting that its Billionaire list grew to 1,210 members, up 199 members from last year, and the best part -- the world' wealthiest individuals got even wealthier by an incredible $1Trillion. That's Trillion with a capital "T" just so you know. Isn't "trickle down economics" delightful? The only question the middle class wants to know is when they will begin to feel that trickle.